According to Wikipedia, anger is defined as wrath or rage, an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived hurt or threat. When we feel angry our bodies are pushed into high gear, releasing a chemical known as Norepinephrine (NE)…the SAME chemical that ignites our fight or flight response. Believe it or not, fear and anger are core emotions in the human body. We aren’t meant to live without them.
Then why does anger get in the way of life so much and feel so wrong? Lots of reasons! Did you know that when we react to anger, it is a learned response? It’s the response we watched the adults in our childhood use when things went wrong. We then stored it away for our own rainy days. Oh, so it’s my dad’s fault I can’t control my temper! Well, not exactly. While anger is presented through a learned response, it doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Let’s imagine the brain with an upstairs and a downstairs. The upstairs brain (prefrontal cortex) is responsible for all things good, like regulating emotions, maintaining stress, and keeping us sane. The downstairs brain consists of a tiny little almond shaped structure, called the amygdala. It likes to take charge, keep you out of danger, and will pull your hand away from a hot stove if needed. This is the same hangout place as our fight or flight response. While it seems like the happening part of the brain, it is our job to control the messages it sends to our upstairs brain. You see, anger is a secondary emotion. That means it’s not the first emotion you feel, but rather the second. Think of it like an iceberg…while easy to see and grandiose in nature, there is an even larger piece of ice under the surface. Our anger is just the tip of the iceberg. It can be fueled by different emotions at different times, such as feeling disappointed, lonely, embarrassed, tired, stressed, or (my favorite) hangry. Recognizing what you are actually feeling is half the battle to how you then react once that anger emotion starts to emerge to the surface.
Therapy can help you identify triggers and learned behavior from childhood. If it is a child who is in therapy, well they have the advantage of catching patterns early and learning coping skills to carry with them into adulthood. Remember, anger is normal and happens to everyone. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth before your downstairs brain creates havoc on your upstairs brain.
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